What Is A Traditional Family

Yesterday my post took on a life of its own. I got so caught up remembering past NYE's that I missed the whole point of what I wanted to say.. I'll give it another shot.

Yesterday was the "Feast of the Holy Family" in the Catholic Church. The Gospel was one of my favorites. It was the story of Joseph and Mary bringing Jesus to the temple to present him to the Lord.

What I liked best about the reading had to do with Simeon and the prophetess Anna. In fact all the readings yesterday centered around the fulfillment of Gods promises to men. Any time I hear about God promising or revealing something to someone my ears perk up because of the promise I thought...no, I still think, God made to me.

Fathers homily seemed tailored just for me. It couldn't have been more pertinent to what has been going on in my head the last few weeks. Ever since Ed has been gone the holidays just aren't the same. His presence even after 15 years is sorely missed. Our family just doesn't seem complete any longer, despite all the additions thru the years.

Also, since its almost New Years Eve, I have been feeling less than complete because I don't have a date for this special night.

Yesterday, Father started his Homily by saying, "Today we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family. What comes to your mind when you hear the word family? Is it still the picture of a father a mother and children? While that is probably the image still fixed in many, if not most, of our minds, that is really not what a typical family is today.


There are a lot of reasons why the nuclear family, as it has been called, is no longer typical. First
of all, we are living longer, so the period when a husband, wife, and their children live together is
a smaller percentage of our life than in the past–in spite of kids coming home from college and
never seeming to want to leave! Secondly, because of death and divorce there are more people
living alone or as heads of single-parent families."

He went on to say that we probably consider Jesus, Mary and Joseph the traditional family, but there is really nothing traditional about them. Joseph was the foster father, Mary gave birth as a virgin, and Jesus' real Father was God.

Then there was Abraham and Sarah, again anything but typical since Sarah first concieved when she and Abe were in their 90's. Oh yes, and then there was Simeon and Anna both faithful but elderly people. We don't know if Simeon ever had a wife and kids, but we know that Anna was 84 and out of those 84 years she was only married for seven of them and then went to live in the temple, certainly anything but what we consider typical.

Man, do I identify with Anna. Sometimes I feel like I live at church, and everything I do is related to it in one way or another. Maybe its not the typical life I desired, but it is a very rewarding and satisfying life nontheless.


So apparently the Bible knows a thing or two about families who don’t meet the familiar mold.


Father ended his sermon by saying : "In the end, what we draw from all of the holy men and women featured in the Scriptures today, is the importance of faith and faithfulness in families God supplies, no matter whatever shape or form they come in.

He asked "Whatever the makeup of your families, how are you doing in terms of faith and loving faithfulness? Because ultimately, loving faithfullness, and not the particular configuration of your family, will be the thing that counts for making you a holy family."

Wise words I thought.

So I started thinking about my family. We are different than we used to be, but we are only less in our minds. We love each other just as much and probably more, we pull together in tough times and celebrate together as we always did. We are complete!

And then there is my new family, Sisters by circumstances, friends by choice. We share our hearts and come together for each other and we have helped one another become strong in our weaknesses.
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When you think about it isn't that what being a real family is all about.

So I've decided my new mantra for 09 will be

"I am complete, I am whole, I am loved!"

Whadya Doin New Years Eve

With New Years eve quickly approaching that little voice in the back of my head is trying to surface. It's the one that tells me how horrible it is not to have a significant other to ring the New Year in with.

If my husband said it once he said it a thousand times, "Lets ring in the New Year with a bang." He thought he was so funny, but after awhile I ceased to be amused. Gosh it would be funny to hear it again!

Six years before Ed died we were invited to a friends house for a Murder Mystery party on New Years Eve. There were four couples altogether.

The invitation arrived telling us somethings about the character we were to play, and with some suggestions of how to dress, and also the food item we were to bring. The 1st year was a Roaring 20's theme. Ed was a gangster and I was his moll. It was an Italian cuisine and Ed and I were supposed to bring an antipasto salad.

Its been 15 years but if memory serves me right, the evening went something like this:

• We arrived and introduced ourselves as our character
• We toasted with a glass of champagne (or two) and ate hors devoirs
• We went to the living room and played the 1st scene of the game
• We went into the dining room and drank a glass of wine with our soup and salad
• Back to the living room for Scene 2
• Back to the dining room for the main course which was pecan crusted pheasant breasts in alfredo sauce, and of course another glass of wine.
• Back to the living room for Scene 3
• Back to the dining room where we had dessert and a dessert wine and coffee (lots of black coffee).
• Once again back to the living room where we drank more wine while we discussed the clues and then gave our answer to which one of us we thought was the murderer.
• Finally the murderer revealed who they were and winners received bragging rights for the year.

Gosh as I write this I'm wondering how any of us drove home after drinking that much. I guess we metabolized it better back then.

We all had so much fun playing dress up that we decided to do it every year.

Here Ed and I are the 2nd year. Ed's character was Delbert (Del) Toid the class jock and I was the Hawaiian transfer student/cheerleader named Elizabeth Lei but my friends called me EZ Lei. I think I look more like a sumo wrestler than a cheerleader!

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All I remember about this year was Ed was the murderer. It was supposed to be the 1940's. Me in a fur and Ed in shorts. Hmmm that was how it always was in our relationship. I was always too cold and Ed always too warm.




This year is another 20's theme. Ed wore 2 hats this year. His other was an aviator cap.

This was our 5th year. I haven't a clue who Ed was supposed to be in this picture. He looks like a ring master of the circus, and Norm looks like a lion tamer, but I'm thinking Sharon Jim and Steve were supposed to be Aussies. The rest of us in our Gay 90's costumes.

Ed and I were going to host the 6th party. We were both so excited because it was a Chinese theme and we had great costumes picked out. I remember the name of the mystery was "Who Hung Woo". But of course that party never happened and none of us had the heart to do it ever again without Ed. I'm glad they just didn't replace us with another couple.

New Yeas is much different since Ed's been gone. If I try, I can recall the excutiating pain I felt that first year. The next year, I wasn't as numband I decided to spend NYE with Ed's family. But that was just too hard. His brothers are all so much like Ed that it made it even more evident what a gapping hole his death had left.

For a few years I went to a church party with my family on NYE; and then I babysat the grands for a few more.

But last year I got together with a few of my peeps from the widows group and we went to a matinee movie, and then had an early dinner. I was home in my pj's before 10 pm, but I had such a good time that I didn't mind a bit not having a date and being home and in bed before the ball dropped.

I think this year will be the same. Its my new normal, and it's starting to feel pretty good.