What Is A Traditional Family

Yesterday my post took on a life of its own. I got so caught up remembering past NYE's that I missed the whole point of what I wanted to say.. I'll give it another shot.

Yesterday was the "Feast of the Holy Family" in the Catholic Church. The Gospel was one of my favorites. It was the story of Joseph and Mary bringing Jesus to the temple to present him to the Lord.

What I liked best about the reading had to do with Simeon and the prophetess Anna. In fact all the readings yesterday centered around the fulfillment of Gods promises to men. Any time I hear about God promising or revealing something to someone my ears perk up because of the promise I thought...no, I still think, God made to me.

Fathers homily seemed tailored just for me. It couldn't have been more pertinent to what has been going on in my head the last few weeks. Ever since Ed has been gone the holidays just aren't the same. His presence even after 15 years is sorely missed. Our family just doesn't seem complete any longer, despite all the additions thru the years.

Also, since its almost New Years Eve, I have been feeling less than complete because I don't have a date for this special night.

Yesterday, Father started his Homily by saying, "Today we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family. What comes to your mind when you hear the word family? Is it still the picture of a father a mother and children? While that is probably the image still fixed in many, if not most, of our minds, that is really not what a typical family is today.


There are a lot of reasons why the nuclear family, as it has been called, is no longer typical. First
of all, we are living longer, so the period when a husband, wife, and their children live together is
a smaller percentage of our life than in the past–in spite of kids coming home from college and
never seeming to want to leave! Secondly, because of death and divorce there are more people
living alone or as heads of single-parent families."

He went on to say that we probably consider Jesus, Mary and Joseph the traditional family, but there is really nothing traditional about them. Joseph was the foster father, Mary gave birth as a virgin, and Jesus' real Father was God.

Then there was Abraham and Sarah, again anything but typical since Sarah first concieved when she and Abe were in their 90's. Oh yes, and then there was Simeon and Anna both faithful but elderly people. We don't know if Simeon ever had a wife and kids, but we know that Anna was 84 and out of those 84 years she was only married for seven of them and then went to live in the temple, certainly anything but what we consider typical.

Man, do I identify with Anna. Sometimes I feel like I live at church, and everything I do is related to it in one way or another. Maybe its not the typical life I desired, but it is a very rewarding and satisfying life nontheless.


So apparently the Bible knows a thing or two about families who don’t meet the familiar mold.


Father ended his sermon by saying : "In the end, what we draw from all of the holy men and women featured in the Scriptures today, is the importance of faith and faithfulness in families God supplies, no matter whatever shape or form they come in.

He asked "Whatever the makeup of your families, how are you doing in terms of faith and loving faithfulness? Because ultimately, loving faithfullness, and not the particular configuration of your family, will be the thing that counts for making you a holy family."

Wise words I thought.

So I started thinking about my family. We are different than we used to be, but we are only less in our minds. We love each other just as much and probably more, we pull together in tough times and celebrate together as we always did. We are complete!

And then there is my new family, Sisters by circumstances, friends by choice. We share our hearts and come together for each other and we have helped one another become strong in our weaknesses.
,
When you think about it isn't that what being a real family is all about.

So I've decided my new mantra for 09 will be

"I am complete, I am whole, I am loved!"

Whadya Doin New Years Eve

With New Years eve quickly approaching that little voice in the back of my head is trying to surface. It's the one that tells me how horrible it is not to have a significant other to ring the New Year in with.

If my husband said it once he said it a thousand times, "Lets ring in the New Year with a bang." He thought he was so funny, but after awhile I ceased to be amused. Gosh it would be funny to hear it again!

Six years before Ed died we were invited to a friends house for a Murder Mystery party on New Years Eve. There were four couples altogether.

The invitation arrived telling us somethings about the character we were to play, and with some suggestions of how to dress, and also the food item we were to bring. The 1st year was a Roaring 20's theme. Ed was a gangster and I was his moll. It was an Italian cuisine and Ed and I were supposed to bring an antipasto salad.

Its been 15 years but if memory serves me right, the evening went something like this:

• We arrived and introduced ourselves as our character
• We toasted with a glass of champagne (or two) and ate hors devoirs
• We went to the living room and played the 1st scene of the game
• We went into the dining room and drank a glass of wine with our soup and salad
• Back to the living room for Scene 2
• Back to the dining room for the main course which was pecan crusted pheasant breasts in alfredo sauce, and of course another glass of wine.
• Back to the living room for Scene 3
• Back to the dining room where we had dessert and a dessert wine and coffee (lots of black coffee).
• Once again back to the living room where we drank more wine while we discussed the clues and then gave our answer to which one of us we thought was the murderer.
• Finally the murderer revealed who they were and winners received bragging rights for the year.

Gosh as I write this I'm wondering how any of us drove home after drinking that much. I guess we metabolized it better back then.

We all had so much fun playing dress up that we decided to do it every year.

Here Ed and I are the 2nd year. Ed's character was Delbert (Del) Toid the class jock and I was the Hawaiian transfer student/cheerleader named Elizabeth Lei but my friends called me EZ Lei. I think I look more like a sumo wrestler than a cheerleader!

>

All I remember about this year was Ed was the murderer. It was supposed to be the 1940's. Me in a fur and Ed in shorts. Hmmm that was how it always was in our relationship. I was always too cold and Ed always too warm.




This year is another 20's theme. Ed wore 2 hats this year. His other was an aviator cap.

This was our 5th year. I haven't a clue who Ed was supposed to be in this picture. He looks like a ring master of the circus, and Norm looks like a lion tamer, but I'm thinking Sharon Jim and Steve were supposed to be Aussies. The rest of us in our Gay 90's costumes.

Ed and I were going to host the 6th party. We were both so excited because it was a Chinese theme and we had great costumes picked out. I remember the name of the mystery was "Who Hung Woo". But of course that party never happened and none of us had the heart to do it ever again without Ed. I'm glad they just didn't replace us with another couple.

New Yeas is much different since Ed's been gone. If I try, I can recall the excutiating pain I felt that first year. The next year, I wasn't as numband I decided to spend NYE with Ed's family. But that was just too hard. His brothers are all so much like Ed that it made it even more evident what a gapping hole his death had left.

For a few years I went to a church party with my family on NYE; and then I babysat the grands for a few more.

But last year I got together with a few of my peeps from the widows group and we went to a matinee movie, and then had an early dinner. I was home in my pj's before 10 pm, but I had such a good time that I didn't mind a bit not having a date and being home and in bed before the ball dropped.

I think this year will be the same. Its my new normal, and it's starting to feel pretty good.

Senility Has Set In

I picked up an absentee ballot last week. I just can't stand the thought of standing in line to vote. Before I could fill it out, I got a call from the local govt. agency saying that there may have been a screw up with my ballot.

After giving her my ballot number and reading some info off the actual ballot it was deemed to be just fine. But since I needed to go to the drug store which is right next door to the voting place I decided to drop in and let her see my ballot for herself. I knew it would make her feel better. It did.

Next I went to the pick up a couple prescriptions. After opening the bag as I was driving down the road, I realized they had given me the wrong medicine and I had to go back in the store.

After the drugstore, I decided to stop quickly at Chico's to see if they still had the sleeveless turtleneck I almost bought 2 weeks ago and decided against. They did. 45 minutes and $153 dollars later I left the store.

I made one more stop at McD's for some ice tea and finally I got home. I tell you all these details so you will get an idea of how many people I must have encountered as I went to and fro.

Back at home I decided to try on my new clothes and pulled my v-neck sweater and t shirt over my head at the same time.

After trying on the new clothes I went to put my sweater and t shirt on and thats when I discovered that the whole time I was out running around I had my sweater on inside out. Not one single person bothered to tell me!
Now everyone in town knows that I'm not only getting senile, but also knows I'm an Extra Large!

How embarassing!

I've tried to fight it, but its just no use. Senility has started to set in.

Generational Family

When I was growing up, my grandmother lived with my aunt and uncle and their 3 children. My aunt and uncle spent a great many weekends at their cottage on Lake Huron. Often, they either invited me to go up with them, or my grandmother came to our house and stayed with us. I loved being part of generational family life.



When our youngest child was starting school my husband and I built our home on part of my fathers 70 acre farm. Right next door to us was my sister and her husband and their three daughters. Our children loved playing together and took pride in being part of a generational family. There was always a tree to climb together, a creek to wade in, and between ballgames and Barbies, there were a few feuds. But more importantly a bond was made. When the weekend came the brood would ride their bikes to grandma and grampa's to play in the barn, or to help grampa do chores. No visit was complete without sitting down to eat in the big farm kitchen and playing a game of cards with grandma.

In the blink of an eye our children grew up. Now there were grandbabies running out in the yard between our two houses. A new bond was building.

Now that I've moved, the extended family hardly gets together anymore. It's sad to lose that connection.
I want our family heritage to continue and I think it is important for generations to learn from each other.

I know how important my grandmother was to me. Even with having wonderful parents, she added so much to my life, and that is something I hope to keep doing so my grandsons get a true sense of generational family.



Having said that, I must confess that as much as I loved watching my 3 grandsons play football this fall, I am excited because the season is over and that means I can stay in my pj's until 6 p.m. tonight if I choose. No time crunch, no coordinating schedules, no logging on to mapquest for directions to the game.

I have some me time this weekend.

But with football practice over that means the boys won't be coming to my house after school anymore. And while that means my grocery bill will drop 75%, it also means the house will get pretty quiet once again.

I need my family around. I need the feeling of being connected to generations of love.
There's nothing I like better than to sit down to dinner with my three, rambunctious, grand boys. I love hearing them take turns praying before the meals. I love listening to their school stories, and it's interesting to see the way they are better able to resolve conflict as they mature.

I like the generational family we have become, they need me, and boy do I need them.

In the bible God tells his children how important he thinks it is to pass on what they have learned. Not only is it important to pass on stories of the generations that came before us so we have a sense of who we are and where we came from, but it is important for our families to learn about God and tesify of the small miracles that he shows us each day.

Be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Deuteronomy 4:9

I want to pass on our heritage, and pass on the faith that I learned from my grandmother and my mother and father, and I want to make sure that my grandsons know their heritage and our faith so well, and love it so deeply that their hearts desire will be to pass it on to their own generational families. For who knows but that I have come into the kingdom for such a time as this

Gentle Reminders

Today as I was surfing some blogs I came across a comment from a woman who lost her husband suddenly in 2007. She commented that she didn't believe in a God who answers prayers. It broke my heart to read her comments. The hopeless tone of her comment reminded me of myself 15 years ago.



Two weeks ago I posted on my other blog about giving a last minute teaching at a scripture service at church, and how I had trouble coming up with something to say. As I tried to recall everything I learned at the "She Speaks Conference" the only thing I could remember was to "be real" The Gospel I was to teach on was Luke 12:1-4; the one where Jesus teaches his disciples to pray. After praying about it I finally decided to tell my story of praying the Lord's prayer and what happened as a result.



In leiu of the comment left on the blog today I decided to post part of my talk.

15 years ago I was at work when I recieved a call from
my friend and co-worker Yvonne. She was calling to tell me she
was on her way to the office to pick me up. She told me that my
husband had been in an accident.

When I first heard the words I wasn’t
too concerned. Ed had been several fender benders
through the years. But when she told me they were airlifting him
to the hospital, my knees went weak.

As I waited for her to get to the office I began calling my
family. I called my son at home, no answer, I called his work; no he
wasn’t there either, but they promised to send him right to the hospital if he came in. There was no one at home when I tried my father-in-law, and the same for my
daughter. When I phoned her boyfriends house I was
told they were out Christmas shopping. This all occured before anyone
carried cell phones, so the chance of finding someone who was out and
about was very slim. Next on my list was my sister and when
there was no answer I tried my dad. Again, no answer. I
felt panicky.

When I heard the bell in the front of the office I knew it was Yvonne and I
ran to the door. "What happened?" I asked as I opened the
car door. Gently she told me that my husband had gone through a
red light and his car had been struck by a semi-truck.

As I got into her car and we started driving, my panicked voice
shouted at her "We have to pray -Yvonne pray with
me." Simultaneously we both began to say the
Lords Prayer. Even though we could say the prayer in our sleep, after
three or four times of repeating the prayer the memorized words were
becoming difficult to get out and I remember grabbing my knees
and rocking my torso and saying Please don’t let him die God. Don’t you
dare let him die.

Well I think you all know that my prayer didn’t get answered in the way I
wanted that day, and the truth is, my husband was dead before I ever even
started to pray, however God did give me what I needed that day.

After arriving at the hospital they ushered me into a room and I
waited. As I paced back and forth I spotted a phone, but the only number I
could remember was my sisters. I was certain that if I could get her she
could continue trying to find my kids. But still there was no answer. I
went back to pacing.

A few minutes later they came and told me how sorry they were but my
husband had died. As they were escorting me down the hall to the room
where his body was, I heard some commotion and I looked up and saw my
father-in-law and brother in law. I stopped to tell them what had happened
and as we spoke, I heard footsteps and my son and his girlfriend came rushing
in. We made our way down the corridor and just as we got to the door of my husbands room, I heard my daughter calling my name and looked up to see the two of them hurrying toward us.

It took me a few years before I appreciated and understood the
immenseness of that moment. It was nothing short of a miracle that they
had all arrived when they did. All in different cars all notified by
different people and yet at the exact time, the time that I needed them the very
most, God orchestrated their arrival. Our God is so faithful!

We don't know the reason God allows bad things to happen. I know I blamed God for not stopping my husbands car and for not allowing me to be able to say goodbye to him. But looking back I can't begin to tell you all the ways God comfored me in my grief.



The last movie Ed and I watched on television was a Hallmark movie called "Dancing with the White Dog. The story was about a white dog that shows up right after a man's wife died. He believed it was his wife coming back to watch over him.

It was a beautiful touching movie and we both cried.

Less than a week later, as the funeral procession pulled into the cemetery to bury my husband, a white labrador retreiver was standing near my husbands gravesite. I let out a gasp and there wasn't a dry eye when I told the story.

All winter long my yard was full of pheasants and deer and rabbits. They drew closer than ever before as if sensing my grief. My husband loved the nature. Never before or since have I had a pheasant come onto my deck and perch on one of the wood posts. I swear it looked right at me and our eyes locked. I knew it was there for my sake, and I knew I was being watched over.



I love to hear the stories people share about their experiences. So often we are afraid to share them for fear others will think we're a little strange. The look of surprise and relief on the faces of the women I talk to is heartwarming, and they are always eager to share any out of the ordinary experiennces that they have had.
It is such a comfort not just to recieve Gods comforting reminders but to be able to share them with others.
Anyone care to share your story with the rest of us?

God's Work of Art

What an absolutely beautiful fall weekend this was. The colors are at their peak and the temperature is summerlike.

It was so much fun to sit out and watch football. All three grandsons won their games and hall had fantastic games. One had an interception, one a touchdown, and one did a fantastic job for the two minutes he played quarterback. That wasn't meant to be sarcastic even though it sounds like it. I would much rather he play safety -not nearly as much pressure.

Grandmothers hearts aren't made to hear anyone complain about her offspring when there is a fumble.

On the way to the game yesterday I passed a tree that took my breath away. The orangish red was so brilliant that no words can describe its beauty. Today on my way to the apple orchard I passed another tree just as brilliant but in a deep yellow gold.

Its hard to believe that anyone can believe this beauty could come about by chance -by a big bang, and not by creation.

Nope, you'll never convince me this awesome is anything other than just another way for God to show me how much he loves me...okay, and you too!

My Mentor

Today on what would have been her 117th birthday, I would like to honor the memory of my Grandmother Carrie by reposting my very first post.

My grandmother Carrie has always been an inspiration to me.
She became a widow at the ripe old age of 39 and remained so until she died just short of her 101st birthday.

As a little girl I looked forward to her weekend visits, and I loved spending time at her house too.

She was a quiet, unassuming woman and I adored her. She had a way of making each grandchild feel as though they were her favorite, even though I’m sure it was me she liked best.



Growing up I shared her love of sewing, growing flowers, playing cards, writing poetry and short stories and I even shared her shoe size. But it wasn’t until I became a widow myself at the age of 44 that I could identify with her pain of going thru life without her mate.



I wish she was still alive. I have so many things I’d like to know about her journey thru widowhood. My grandmother wrote with a great deal of spiritualness and I’d love to know about her relationship with God and whether that relationship came about because of her struggles.



Someday I’ll see her again and thank her for inspiring, and blessing my life with her writing. I’ll end this post with my favorite poem of hers.

I Heard It Too

I walked along the garden path

I heard it in the breeze.

I heard the voice of Jesus

In all the swaying trees.

I heard it in the buttercups,

In the leaves and in the grass

In all the tiny raindrops,

In the laughter of a lass.

I heard it in the moonlight

And I know that it is true.

If you'll listen for His kindly voice

You can say I heard it too!

I heard His voice on the mountain top

In the ocean and the sea

I heard it in a robin's song

It meant so much to me.

I heard it in a baby's cry,

In the chapel when I pray;

In every tiny candle that burns from day to day.

I heard his voice when I was tired,

In the clouds that roll so high;

In the planes that circle o'er us

In the stars up in the sky.

I heard it in a mother's sob

When things did not go right

A soothing loving whisper

That made her burdens light.

I heard it when kind deeds were done

And I know that it is true

Just stop awile and listen

You can say I heard it too!

May 16,1957

Happy Birthday, Grama!

Summers End

I love change. One of the reason I love Michigan is because of the wonderful change of scenery the seasons bring.

Next week school starts and my days will be filled with peace and quiet now that the grandsons won't be coming over everyday. I'm looking forward to having more free time once again.

Over 30 years ago our church bulletin published a prayer that I found so poignant that I've kept it tucked away and read it every year at this time.


I don't know the author, to give them the credit, but I wanted to share it.

At Summer's End - A Mother's Prayer



Well, Lord, it's over. Today is the first day of school, and my brood has just piled out the back door, looking cleaner than they have all summer. Forgive me if my hand shakes slightly as I pour a cup of coffee - I have not yet become accustomed to the morning rush.

Forgive me, Father, For my summer failings; for the times I shouted over unmade beds, grumbled at the ever present array of dirty glasses
waiting to be washed; for the moments I secretly resented the children's loud and constant presence; for the envy over other families jetting off to exciting vacations. Forgive me for the plans that never materialized because "I'm too busy today," the family prayers that went unsaid because "it's just too hot."

And yet, Lord, as always , you sent blessings. Cool lemonade in
late afternoon, more pleasant because it was shared. A garden which yielded not only flowers but vegetables, the taste of summer all winter long. Sunsets, rich and varied, heralding the close of satisfying days.

There were gifts for my spirit too, Father , gifts that only
your summer can bestow. Sons coming home from paper routes tanned and tired, yet wearing the unmistakable aura of emerging manhood. A backyard view of husband and daughter, heads together, solemnly reviewing a passing ant parade . Unexpected guests, and the joy of friendships savored.

Now summer has once again slipped away and I am left in the stillness of my kitchen. I will relish the coming winter in silence, Lord, the chance to
complete a task, to think a peaceful thought. But summer's waning brings the bittersweet awareness of the passage of time, the knowledge that things will never again be the same.

Help me make the most of each new day Lord. Whatever the season, let me be grateful for your gift of life, your ever-present love. Father, thank you once again for summer.

Today is Tuesday

Today is Tuesday,do you know what that means?

Click the video to find out.

Before watching I must tell you to enter at your own risk. Anyone who is over 55 will probably be delighted with the nostalgia, but I warn the young uns' - you may find it a bit corny.

Okay so today isn't really Guest Star Day. But it is "Yes to God Tuesday" with Lelia Chealey. Today we discuss chapters ten and eleven of Lysa TerKeursts book "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith".

These were two of my favorite chapters so far. In chapter Ten - "Roadblocks and Reassurances", I was squirming in my seat as Lysa told of taking a cup of water to her neighbor as a token of her changed heart.

How many times have I been the first to extend my hand to squelch a feud? Too few, I'm sorry to say. Most times I've waited stubbornly in my own pool of self righteousness, waiting for someone to apologize to me.

I,too, was embattled in a bitter feud with a neighbor a few years ago. Even worse the neighbor was my sister. It involved land that bordered on both of our properties and belonged to my fathers estate. Early on as we discussed how to divide dad's estate we lost our trust in each other, both thinking the other had an ulterior motive. Yet both of us were believing that we were truly bending over backwards to be fair and equitable to all parties.

Each persons sense of fairness is unique to them, and no amount of talking can get both parties to see it the same way.

In Lysa's story of taking the woman the cup of water she says "As I got out of the car and started toward her, I had to will my feet to walk this obedient path." I had to laugh reading Lysa's words because I knew the feeling oh too well....

One afternoon after a long walk conversing with God, I walked up my sisters driveway and apologized to her for the way I'd been acting. I didn't want to do it, infact my mind said Walk Past, but as I neared her driveway my feet felt like they had sandbags attached and my pace slowed, The Holy Spirit insisted that if I wanted any kind of peace I at least needed to make an effort. Oh the strength it took to drag my feet to her door.

I wish I could tell you that it made everything okay, but it was only a bandaid on a broken arm, and a few days later a new situation arose. In my heart I thought I had forgiven my sister and that I had been sincere in asking for her forgiveness, but when this new crop of problems reared its head, I started to wonder. I felt the need to forgive the wrong I felt all over again.

During this time I was amazed at the people God brought into my life that shared their story of not speaking to a family member because of a disagreement over a parents estate. I was beginning to wish my dad hadnt left anything for us to divide. All the stories were wonderful reminders to me to humble myself at all costs. I couldn't bear the thoughts of losing anyone in my family to material possessions. My mother had always said, "If you want something take it now, I don't want you fighting over it when I'm gone."

I tried to use my prayer life and an open line of communication with God as well as my sister, as my armor. I thought if we could keep talking our minds wouldn't be able to percieve things that weren't true, but one last blow up put both my sister and I over the edge, and drove an even deeper wedge in between us.

My brother and I were so frustrated with my sisters lack of communication. We both felt like we were out of the loop and instead of asking our opinion on estate matters, she was confering with her husband. "What is the Holdup" I shouted unkindly one day.

Later that evening on my walk, God asked me to be patient with my sister. "Your sister has never been an executor of an estate. This isn't easy for her, and you are making it much more difficult for her."

I'd never thought of that before. I was demanding speed and perfection from her, and God hadn't equipped her with my idea of perfection and he had His own idea of when was best for everything to be settled. My dad had made her executor for a reason and who was I to argue with his choice. I believe in that moment of revelation my heart truly felt remorse and also felt real forgiveness towards her.

Finally the estate was settled in an agreeable way. We felt like we all had sacrificed a little to gain a lot- namely keeping the family intact. No one felt that they were at a disadvantage.

Only God could have negotiated a settlement like that.

One day after the estate was settled my sister called and asked if she could come over. She hadn't been to see my new home since I had moved. When she walked in the door she asked me to sit at the table because she wanted to talk. She asked to hold my hand and asked me not to say anything til after she had finished. Then she made the most beautiful, heartfelt apology that I have ever received. In that instant we both knew God had healed our hearts. Our family was whole again, perhaps a little worn and weathered from the storm we survived, but safely back on shore.

In Chapter 11, Lysa talks about pain having a purpose. I loved the scripture she quoted - Romans 8:17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

My sister and I were heirs to my fathers estate, but it is our Heavenly Fathers estate that is worth more than all of the estates on earth combined.

Keeping our eyes focused on Christ and our Heavenly home helped us to give and accept forgiveness for our unChristlike behavior and in the end Gods name will be glorified as we share our story.

If you'd like to read what others are saying about this weeks study click here.

But before you go I want to give a shout out to Kelley over at Aroma of Joy for my new blog designs. I'm loving them and I hope you are too. Thanks Kelley.

A post to this post 1-27-09
It's been awhile since I wrote this post. Searching for something else, I reread this post today and I must make some additional comments. After rereading this I can see how it leaves the impression that the fued between my sister and I was her fault. It was not. I have always believed and said that we were mutually at fault and yet just the other day God brought something to my mind that I did that may have been the reason we ever started mistrusting the other in the first place. I now need to pay my sister a visit and ask the same forgiveness.

Obedience

Okay again this week I am a day late and a dollar short. Does the expression Better Late than never buy me any mercy at all?

Today is Yes to God Tuesday with Lelia Chealey. This week were discussing chapters eight and nine in Lysa TerKeursts book "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith." For this post I'd like to focus on chapter nine "A Most Unlikely Path". Lysa tells us that the longer we walk with God the more easily we hear his voice and trust His instructions.


Tonight was a backyard get together or our widows group First Tea @ Five. It was just a little over 4 years ago that God put the idea of this widows group on my heart. My first thought was "Cool, that sounds like a good idea I'll have to think more about it"


A few weeks later while I was searching for an answer to unanswered prayer I turned to the index in the back of my NIV Life Application Study Bible and looked up the word prayer in the notes section.
Under prayer I saw a title which read... “Why God May Not Be Answering Your Prayer” There was a reference to 1Samuel 28:15 “I am in great distress,” Saul said. “The Philistines are fighting against me, and God has turned away from me. He no longer answers me, either by prophets or by dreams.”

The notes explained “God did not answer Saul because Saul had not followed his previous directions. Sometimes people wonder why their prayers are not answered, But if they don’t fulfill the responsibilities God has already given them they should not be surprised when he does not give further guidance.”

I couldn’t help but think of how God had put the idea of a widows group on my heart earlier, and how I hadn’t done anything about it.



With confirmation like that you'd think I would have jumped right on it. But it took two more reminders before I finally got in gear. One of the first things I did was go visit a woman named Shirley. Shirley was the mom of my very best high school friend . I was over at her house as much as I was at my own home. She became my second mom.


Shirley had been widowed for several years, and on top of widowhood, she was suffering from the effects of a stroke. She wasn’t comfortable driving any longer and many of the things she had loved to do in the past were extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to do now; things that could possibly aid her in her grieving process.

When I arrived at her house I gave her a big hug, sat down and asked if she would be willing to answer a few questions. After sharing some insight with her about my ideas for the group, I told her how important it was to get as much insight as I could from women in different age groups as well as in different lengths and stages of grief and widowhood.

“Loneliness, Shirley began, is the number one thing that bothers me. When you’re first widowed you have a stream of people that come and offer support. At the time, you’re too numb to appreciate it. But it’s after, when the numbness wears off, that you’re left with the void, and by that time everyone else has resumed daily life. I’m just plain lonely.”

Leaving her home that day, I promised myself that I was going to make it a point to visit regularly.


It took 8 months of planning before the widows group was up and running. Two months into the process I left for Florida, and my friend and mentor MS agreed to step forward and see the plans to fruition.



MS made me promise to come back for the kick off event. Hurricanes, snowstorms or wild horses couldn't have kept me away.

At the end of Chapter nine, #2, Lysa T says " As we learn to listen for God's voice, the next step is to obey His voice." She gives scriptures verses that show us when God speaks he expects us to obey and then she goes on to say that "Gods word gives us many examples of how we will miss out on the many blessings He has in store for us if we do not obey. Many times for a number of reasons we ignore Gods voice.

True to my promise I flew up for the kickoff event. What a blessing it was to be able to see what obedience to God looked like.



I was so glad I had listened to God's voice instead of listening to the voices that told me "what makes you think you have what it takes to organize a support group. You have the worlds worst follow thru."



When only 10 women showed up for the event I began to think the voices had been correct, and we had failed God. But as the night wore on the comraderie grew so strong that it became evident that these 10 women were handpicked. God's idea of success was not the same as my own had been.


I was disappointed that Shirley hadn't felt well enough to make it to our meeting, since she had been such an inspiration. The next morning God laid her so heavily on my heart that I knew without a doubt that it was important to get over to see her before I left.



I went right to the kitchen and decided to make a Key Lime Pie and take it to her that afternoon. I was missing an ingredient. Needless to say things got in the way of my plans that day and by the end of my stay I let too many things get in the way of following Gods direction and missed going to see her.

I fussed all the way to the airport about my disobedience. God was really letting me wallow in my guilt.
I kept remembering the words I had heard at Bible Study a few weeks before.

My bible study teacher had emphasized a that when we hear Gods voice its imparitive that we respond immediately. Depending on what God is telling us to do, we may or may not sin by not responding, but we may miss out on a blessing God wishes to bestow. (The same advice Lysa gives in her book, however, at the time I didn't know the woman Lysa TerKeurst even existed. )


So often I find God asking me to put my money where my mouth is.
The plane ride back to Florida was one of those times.
Seated on the plane I kept asking God to forgive me, and telling him how sorry I was for not getting over to see Shirley.



I'm thinking God probably called a few of his saints over and said "Lets see how sorry she truly is". Because no sooner had the last I'm sorry left my mouth when God popped another task down in front of me..... It's a great story and I'll tell you all about it over at God Spots.

But before you go let me finish this one.

I had been back in Florida less than 3 weeks when I recieved a phone call at work telling me that Shirley had suffered another stroke and had died. I was stunned.

I wasn't able to fly back for her funeral and now I can see clearly why God had so strongly asked me to stop and see her.

I missed an opportunity to say a final goodbye to a wonderful friend. The blessing would have been mine for the taking if only I had obeyed.

But one of the joys of obedience I mentioned earlier in the post, was the backyard gathering of my wonderful group.

Tonight we welcomed 4 new widows into our ranks, and soon we will have quintupled in size from our very first meeting. God's hand is so evident in our endeavor to honor him by serving the women who's hearts are so near and dear to his own. He so loves these precious women called widows.

Our Hostess tonight, CT offered her pond incase anyone wanted to fish.

AC took her up on it. After a few casts AC's pole ended up in the pond, but CT came to the rescue.




Afterwards AC had sucess.


Unfortunately AC didn't know the pond was strictly "Catch and Release" She had visions of a fish fry floating in her mind. But CT was a good sport and let her keep them because after all were all "Sisters" and thats the kind of thing Sisters do.



Thank you Lord, for the help you give me to walk in obedience. I know I have a long way to go but with every step I take in your direction the closer I feel to you.

Help me to remember the blessings you have given and keep me ever mindful of the blessings I have missed when I've failed to walk obediently. I love you Lord.

I have a question

There's been lots of grandson sitting this week. One of the things on the agenda was making sure oldest grandson got his birthday thank yous written.


I'm not good at sending out TY's in a timely manner. In fact if I thank someone in person I don't feel I need to send a hand written note also.

However, several of my relatives are so etiquette savvy that their thank yous are in the mail almost before the wrapping paper is off the box. And even worse they expect the same in return.

I start to cringe every time I hear someone complaining about how ungrateful cousin Jethro's children are because they didn't send a TY for the gift...Kinda makes me start questioning the reason the gift was given in the first place.

Don't get me wrong I believe in expressing gratitude and it is rude not to let someone know you've received their gift, but I hope you 'll comment on whether or not you feel a TY should be sent if you thank someone face to face.

Oldest grandson made his TY's on the computer. I showed him how to to use the program and then left him alone to create a masterpiece. This was what he came up with. Obviously he's still in the Independence Day mood.




This morning I was making a casserole to take for a funeral dinner. I guess the thank you note project was still on my mind and I started to remember how long it took me to get my thank yous out when Ed died. I wanted to send a personal note and not just sign my name. I think it took me 3 months to get them all written.

What I remember most was the funeral home saying I should purchase enough TY notes to include everyone who sent me a sympathy card.

Well I didn't do it. My husband had been a high school teacher for 23 years and I received stacks and stacks of cards. I just couldn't write another thank you.

Instead of taking comfort in the kind words I was receiving, I found myself feeling burdened every time an envelope arrived.

If the funeral home was right, everyone must be thinking, "Boy is she a derelict!"


So here's my second question. Do you feel it's necessary to send a TY card to someone who sends a sympathy card? And if you do, shouldn't the person receiving the thank you send a thank you in return saying thanks for being so considerate?

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Yesterday I mentioned that for a great summer dessert recipe you should go to my God Spot blog. Here what the recipe looks like.

It was finger-licking good.

I made the dessert to serve to some women who were coming over to play cards.

If you've read some of my past blogs you'll know I belong to a club called First Tea @ Five. It's quite an exclusive club, and the cost of membership is extremely high. Not one person is standing in line excitedly waiting to be admitted; because inorder to qualify as a member you must give up something you love more than life itself. Yet in 3 years the membership has tripled.

Its a club where widowed women meet and share how God is reinventing their lives.
I had no idea when I went to Florida searching for purpose that God had something like this group in mind. And yet in hindsight I can see how he had been grooming me for years to take on this responsibility.

In the song "Hold On" tells us God will find us at just the right time. Whether he finds you at the bottom of a bottle or at the bridges highest edge, he will meet you and he will speak to your heart.

The story of my need for God didn't begin with the sudden death of my husband, I realized in time my heart would mend.

I didn't feel the intense need for God when my unmarried daughter made the announcement that she was expecting my first grandchild, nor even the 4 am phone call to bail my son out of a neighboring county jail.

Instead of seeking God and taking his yoke upon my shoulders to help me carry the load I blamed him for my husbands death while I swore at my husband outloud for leaving me alone to shoulder the burden of two wayward children.

If those things didn't push me into the arms of my Savior, then surely it had to be my diagnosis of stage 3B Hodgkins Lymphoma. Nope not even that, for death seemed welcoming to a still grieving widow who felt she had nothing better to give the world.

No, for me it took falling in love with a man who didn't share my same feelings, that found me turning to the Lord in desperation. I was at the bottom and unable to make something I wanted so badly come to fruition.

I have a feeling I had DESPERATE written all over me. Everyone was offering unwanted advice.

I hate the kind of advice people give you when you're single.

One of my favorites was "you'll never find anyone who can measure up to Ed." I wondered if they really believed Ed was that perfect or if they thought he was the only one who could put up with someone like me!

One of the most frustrating was and still is " You'll find someone as soon as you quit trying"

Hellllooo.... has anyone ever tried to make themselves quit looking? As soon as you quit looking, you start looking around to see if anyone has noticed that you've quit looking. That's like saying "Don't think, let your mind go blank."

It was in one of those "Be patient" moments God kept referring to, where the idea of First Tea @ Five came about.

How does one be patient when your heart is lonely and seeking connection? For me it meant keeping busy with people. Even hard physical labor allowed my mind have a heyday. But I found that time spent with people, not sitting around gossiping, but having fun together, keeps my mind off me and put it on us.

It was revelations like this that finally allowed God to speak to my heart through 1Timothy 5:11-16, “As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. Besides they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes, and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan. “If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need.”

I felt a chill around my shoulders as I read, and I felt as though God had opened his word and pointed his finger down hard on that scripture as if to say “Here is what you’ve been asking for. This is my purpose for your life!” Thus began First Tea (1 Timothy) @ Five (chapter 5).

Last night 4 of us from the group got together at my house to play Euchre.




AC brought a bottle of wine someone (me) gave her at Christmas time. BB brought her famous kettle corn and DM brought cucumbers from her garden.


We've all been so busy doing life that we didn't realize how much we needed to take time out of our busyness and get together to laugh. Believe me we laughed and laughed and laughed. One sip (seriously I mean one little sip) of the wine made BB and DM break into hot flashes. There was a beautiful warm breeze blowing in from the patio but I had to turn my a/c to full blast to cool these two off. That's the last time I buy cheap wine for a friend. Maybe it's only supposed to be consumed in cold weather since its called Winter White.



But anyway last night proved we aren't this:





















But rather this:
















WOMEN LAUGHING AT LIFE & LOVING THE LIFE GOD SO RICHLY BLESSES

Is God Enough for Us?

One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." Luke 5:17-20

Saturday would have been my 39th wedding anniversary.


I realized it as I was returning home from a relaxing, rejuvenating trip north with a group of my high school girlfriends, 4 of my closest friends.


I posted earlier of these friends I like to call my "burden bearers".


Well this weekend it was my turn to do some of the bearing, because two in the group are suffering from broken hearts caused by broken marriages.

Both marriages were second marriages and I have lived vicariously thru both of these women since my husband died.

I was hoping that one day I too would meet a second love and walk off into the sunset locked in each others embrace. But lately I've been wondering if it really is possible to live happily ever, and if it isn't............... will God be enough?

I once read that God sometimes removes people and things that stand in the way of our committment to Him. It didn't seem very fair to think that God might have removed my childrens father from their life just to bring us all to a fuller understanding of Himself.

But, I know that if my husband was alive today or if God had allowed a special man to become a part of my life, that I wouldn't know my God the way I do. Why would I need God when I had created a god of my own. I worshipped my man and trusted him to love and care for me.

But in the blink of an eye, it was all gone.

But God has promised "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you" Hebrews 13:5

I would never have believed it was possible to carry on a two way conversation with God or that I could feel his presence thru the touch of a stranger if I hadn't experienced it for myself.

There's so much I've learned that I want to share with my hurting friends, like letting Jesus be the one to fill the hole in their heart.

But right now they are not too receptive... but then again... neither was I when my heart was raw and oozing in pain.


I want so much to teach them how to fill the void in their hearts with love for God.
I want them to know that God is the only one that they can truly trust to never walk away.

But I recognize that glazed look in their eyes, the one that is daring me to try and take away their hurt. I recognize it because of all the times that same glaze stared back at me in the mirror.

This morning in my quiet time with God I laid my frustrations before him. "Lord, how can I get through to them, how can I make them see how much they need you."

"Luanne, they already know about me", God whispered. "Let me show them what I can do for them, just like I showed you. Let me do my job and you do yours.

Your job is to be the same friend they have been to you. Let them see how much you love them and how much you can feel their pain.

Dress their wounds by making them smile and help them forget their sadness for a time. Send them little notes that say you care, share your hugs and take them to dinner and let them talk.

Carry them up to the roof top with your prayers and lower them to me on a stretcher of kindess. Then step back Luanne and let me do what I need to do to make them well."

It would mean so much if you would join me tonight and help me pray for their hurting hearts.

Til We Meet Again

Back in high school when we first started dating, my husband Ed was a confident, good natured, upstanding young man, who could have had his pick of any girl in the school. He was an all star athlete, and he picked me over all the others. One of the things I loved about being married to Ed was the way he was always so encouraging.



I miss getting ready to go somewhere and hearing Ed put his stamp of approval on the way I looked.

Whenever I was starting a new endeavor he'd get just as excited as I would. His eyes would twinkle and hug me he'd whisper in my ear "You are going to do just great."

I often wonder what our life would be like if he were here today.

Most of our life together centered around sports. First Ed was playing, then coaching, then coaching our kids. And when I played softball he'd sit right in the stands and cheer for me. "Come on Luanne you can do it. Great Catch or Good Hit, You're doing great. "

We both had a strong belief in God, but neither of us had what I would call a strong walk.

I think I was more like a Pharisee, I looked at the letter of the law, the thou shalls and shall nots, and always made it all about me.
Ed on the other hand was more like Peter, messing up, but in the end having a heart and mind that got it right.

I would love to be able to share the passion I feel for Jesus Christ today with him. We had a great marriage, but I know we could have had an even greater one had we been walking in God's Word, and not treading around the outside of it.

Sometimes I picture Ed at God's side when God begins leading me into a new direction. God elbows him and says "Ed come here! Watch this. Look what I'm going to get her to do this time." And as I begin to do what God asks, its as though I hear him cheering me on in that encouraging way of his. "You can do it."

That's why I have so much trouble taking in today's scripture reading.

Some Sadducee's, who say there is no resurrection, came
to Jesus and put this question to him, saying, “Teacher, Moses wrote for us, If someone’s brother dies, leaving a wife but no child, his brother must take the wife and raise up descendants for his brother.

Now there were seven brothers. The first married a woman and died, leaving no descendants. So the second brother married her and died, leaving no descendants,
and the third likewise. And the seven left no descendants. Last of all the woman also died. At the resurrection when they arise whose wife will she be? For all seven had been married to her.”
Jesus said to them,

“Are you not misled because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God?
When they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but they are like the angels in heaven.
As for the dead being raised, have you not read
in the Book of Moses, in the passage about the bush, how God told him,
I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob?
He is not God of the dead but of the living. You are greatly misled.” Mark 12:18-27

A few months after Ed died I attended a support group meeting. I was 44 at the time. An older woman in her 70's was also there, having just lost her second husband a few weeks before.

During one discussion another woman said " I guess I will just have to take comfort in the fact that one day I will be with my husband again in heaven." The older woman spoke up telling us that she didn't believe her husband would be her husband in heaven.

I was aghast! She seemed so sure of this and so resigned to the fact that I couldn't argue, but I was going to believe something different. The idea of Ed not being my husband in heaven was unthinkable.

I never went back after that.

I think of that conversation every time I read the above scripture. My feelings, no longer raw, I can understand that woman a little better. In heaven she would have two husbands. How would you choose. I also have thought about couples who stayed in a loveless marriage. Would you really want to have to stay with each other in eternity as well?

I guess none of us know what heaven will be like... just that it is sure to exceed even our greatest expectations.
But until God shows me differently I'm going to take comfort in believing that not only will Ed and I soar together one day, but I'm believing that when Jesus comes to lead me home he won't come alone and as I lay taking in my last breaths I will hear that familiar voice whisper in my ear "You're doing great. You're almost home."